How Infertility Treatment Can Impact a Couple's Sexual Relationship

If infertility is impacting your sexual relationship, we are here to help.

Struggling with infertility can cause a range of difficulties for a couple, and we recommend marriage counseling or couples therapy with a couple’s therapist who specializes in infertility.

Infertility, and the treatments of infertility can cause significant financial stress, feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem, feelings of guilt, relationship distress, feelings of loss and grief.

Commonly couples report sexual dissatisfaction, low sexual desire and sexual dysfunction due to sex starting to feel like a “chore” or if it feels too clinical. Others may experience

anxiety around sex, as the stakes become higher and needs to happen within a certain time frame. These difficulties may be intensified the longer infertility treatment is.

Couples may find the following helpful when faced with infertility treatment:

1. Understand that these changes are normal: Most couples experience these difficulties when undergoing fertility treatment. Infertility & the resulting treatment directly impacts sexual functioning. It is important that both partners understand this and do not personalize the other’s sexual dysfunction.
   

2. Understand the role of stress: Stress related to infertility and infertility treatment can cause a major decrease in sexual desire. It is important that both partners do not begin to believe that low sexual desire is due to a disinterest in the relationship or partner.  
   

3. Separate “baby making” and “love making”: It is important to differentiate these two different types of sex. It might be helpful to assign different areas of the house for each type of sex.
   

4. Be More Direct: It can be helpful to be more open regarding what sexually feels best including sexual positions or what body parts one might want touched (especially for the partner undergoing treatment). This can change for instance during an egg retrieval cycle or IVF cycle when hormones are causing significant changes.
   

5. Increase Outercourse: Try increasing other types of sexual intimacy like non-penetrative activities or even cuddling and kissing.
   

6. Focus on Pleasure: During non-fertile time periods, put more of an emphasis on playful or exciting ways to sexually connect. This could look like role playing, wearing lingerie, playing a sex board game, using toys, etc.
   

7. Set Boundaries: It is often helpful for couples to set boundaries around talking about infertility. Setting aside a weekly scheduled time to discuss next steps and discussing each other’s needs may be helpful.
   

8. Focus on Emotional Intimacy: Spend more time on strengthening emotional intimacy rather than sexual intimacy. This might look like engaging in a shared hobby together, trying a new activity, or making an effort to go out on more dates.
   

Struggling with how infertility and infertility treatment is impacting your relationship? Better Being Main Line specializes in marriage counseling and couples therapy for those facing infertility. We offer appointments both in-person and online for couples in Pennsylvania including Philadelphia, the main line, and Bryn Mawr, at flexible times including the mornings, daytime, evenings and weekends. Please contact us for more information or to make an appointment.

By: Heather Davidson