What is “DARVO” & Why do Narcissists use it?

Experiencing DARVO is traumatic and can cause PTSD

“DARVO” stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” DARVO can occur on an individual or institutional level, & is a common tactic used by narcissists. This tactic allows perpetrators to frame the survivor of the abuse as if they were the offender. This strategy can make it difficult for those outside of the situation to determine who is telling the truth. It enables the narcissist to destroy the survivor of abuse’s reputation and makes it difficult for others to believe the survivor of abuse. Experiencing DARVO is traumatic and can cause PTSD.

The stages of DARVO look like:

1. Deny (D): Perpetrators usually cannot acknowledge any wrongdoing and will not take ownership of their own behavior. Instead, they focus on the victim being “too sensitive,” “misinterpreting the situation,” “making things bigger than what they are,” etc. They may deny events from happening entirely as well.
   

2. Attack (A): If the perpetrator is questioned or challenged about any wrongdoings on their end, the perpetrator will commonly attack the survivor the abuse’s character. A perpetrator may accuse the survivor of abuse of being a pathological liar, having mental health issue or substance abuse issues, is violent, etc. Most often these accusations are behaviors that the perpetrator demonstrates. Perpetrators will often engage in gaslighting, which is disorienting to survivors, and they may doubt their own experiences of events. The attack phase of DARVO can be especially traumatizing and may result in PTSD.

3. Reverse Victim and Offender Roles (RVO): The perpetrator will paint themselves as the victim, and the survivor of the abuse as the offender. Commonly perpetrators will claim that the survivor of abuse is trying to destroy their life and reputation, to take their pets or children away from them, take money from them, is jealous of them, etc. Similar to the attack phase, many of the accusations the perpetrator makes about the survivor of abuse are actually true of the perpetrator.

   
   

   Experiencing DARVO and not sure how to navigate the situation? Better Being Main Line specializes in trauma informed therapy, including using EMDR therapy to treat PTSD. We offer appointments both in-person and virtually at flexible times including the mornings, daytime, evenings and weekends for those in Pennsylvania – including Philadelphia, the main line and Bryn Mawr.  Please contact us for more information or to make an appointment.

by: Heather Davidson Ed.M., MA, LPC, CST